Ladies, I am free! I am FREE! And I love it. I never knew what liberation felt like until I finally let go of the idea that I just HAD to be in a relationship. It would be nice, but it is not necessary. It feels good y'all. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It happened the moment I took myself off of the market and decided to stop dating for a while. I have decided not to date and not to look for a date.
Through prayer, counseling, and consultation with a Godly woman who told me that I should be courted I decided to just sit back and chill for a while. I still love men but you know what? I love me more. The dating scene today is really not that conducive to building a Godly relationship. Men know that we out-number them so the fact that they have options gives them a certain amount of power. In my profession, I see teenage girls who walk the boys to class. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Adult relationships are often not too different. Women make themselves readily available to men they shouldn't. We answer phone calls and texts at all hours of the night. We offer information about ourselves without allowing them to ask one single question. They don't really have to work too hard these days. I'm not judging. I have been there too. Sometimes we get so eager to be in relationships that we lower the expectation and then our feelings are hurt when the outcome is a disaster.
So I thought about it one day. I really don't have to tolerate any of this. I can be really happy just doing me without the pressure of trying to figure out if these dudes really like me. I figured if God is powerful enough to part the RED SEA, powerful enough to make a fig tree wither, powerful enough to raise Lazarus from the dead, powerful enough to turn water in to wine, surely He is powerful enough to SEND me a husband. I won't have to go looking for him or make him find me. My only job is to be obedient.
So I stopped looking. If they want me, they will find me. My job right now is to prepare through prayer and study. This way I am armed with the power of discernment to determine the divine from the duds.
The biggest feeling of liberation comes when I meet someone. When I start to ponder those often thrown about questions: is he interested in me? Was that a hint? Is he flirting? I stop myself and say you know what? It doesn't matter if he is interested or not because I'm off the market so I can relax. I breathe a sigh of relief and then move on. We talk or speak or whatever because it just doesn't matter. I'm free to be me. Not someone I think I should be to impress a stranger.
It feels fabulous!
I'll be prepared when the right one comes along. I'm just not going to rush it. In the meantime. I have a fabulous life to live! I have vacations to take and new worlds to experience. I get to clean up my credit (yes, I'm willing admit that it is a problem). I have some shopping to do, some stories to write, some books to read, some weight to lose, and new foods to try...and new recipes to learn! I have a family to love. And, I have an amazing God to serve. That's the best part about it! I get to discover new ways to serve God's kingdom without the pressure of neglecting my potential mate. I'm going to do them too. A little bit at a time.
Don't get me wrong. I still believe in relationships and one day I will have a great one. But not at the cost of my sanity or my peace of mind. Until then, I have been SET FREE!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Sibling Rivalry: A Battle of Love
Tonight I had a HUGE fight with my sister. I mean humongous! We probably shouldn't even be talking right now, but that's not how we were raised. We love. We fight. Then we love again. That is just what we do. I just get tired and hurt because she doesn't see me and I don't see her when we get like this. And, the fights are always over stupid things. We never have fights over things that really matter. They are always, ALWAYS stupid. It has been going on for years. Since we were kids. I, however, am tired. I am 41 and she is 47. We should not being communicating the same way we did as kids. Nevertheless, there are times when we just can't see eye to eye. Times where I feel like she is pushing me around and I won't back down. Times she feels like I'm crazy and I just like to argue for no reason. I need to understand why...I think. I really just want it to stop. Conflict is fine, but the arguing has to cease.
Our rivalry is not not about fashion or men or professions. Most often it just feels like a competition to see who is right. The irony is that no one ever wins. Not in real life. Maybe in my mind I think, "I'm right!" In her mind she may be thinking the same thing. It doesn't matter. Even if I am right, I never remember that. What I really remember is the pain and hurt of the argument. How sad is that?
Recently, a good friend of mine lost her sister to cancer. It was devastatingly difficult time for her and my heart grieved for her. I could only imagine the heartbreak I would feel if I lose my sister.
Truthfully, the loss of a family member is a very real possibility. My sister told me last week that the lumps in her breast ( two that she found last year which were benign) have gotten larger and they are now starting to hurt. I wanted to cry. We are also in the process of watching my grandmother battle with leukemia. And, we fight often with our mother who is diabetic and is not attentive to her nutrition and exercise as she should be. It is a difficult time for my family. So maybe the fight was a by-product of the emotional turmoil we are dealing with on a daily basis.
If something happens to my sister I don't want my memories of her to be the hurt and pain of petty arguments. We have a good time together. We laugh about silly stuff. We watch crazy TV shows together. The reality shows are our current favorites (ironically the impetus of our argument tonight). She is my on-call handy man and as a teenager I was her partner in crime for moving and finding thrown away treasures on street curbs for her to refurbish. During a recent heartbreak, she came over to my house and just let me cry. Without any judgement. She, along with my other two sisters, my mama, and my granny, are my rocks! They are the reason I am the survivor that I am today. I love her with all of my heart. So why do we fight over stupid stuff. I guess that is what sisters do. We love. We fight. And then, we LOVE again! I wouldn't have it any other way.
Love you, sis!
P.S. I'm going to try and apologize, but we are not good at that either. I am sure her response will be, "Whatever." Code for, "I love you!"
Our rivalry is not not about fashion or men or professions. Most often it just feels like a competition to see who is right. The irony is that no one ever wins. Not in real life. Maybe in my mind I think, "I'm right!" In her mind she may be thinking the same thing. It doesn't matter. Even if I am right, I never remember that. What I really remember is the pain and hurt of the argument. How sad is that?
Recently, a good friend of mine lost her sister to cancer. It was devastatingly difficult time for her and my heart grieved for her. I could only imagine the heartbreak I would feel if I lose my sister.
Truthfully, the loss of a family member is a very real possibility. My sister told me last week that the lumps in her breast ( two that she found last year which were benign) have gotten larger and they are now starting to hurt. I wanted to cry. We are also in the process of watching my grandmother battle with leukemia. And, we fight often with our mother who is diabetic and is not attentive to her nutrition and exercise as she should be. It is a difficult time for my family. So maybe the fight was a by-product of the emotional turmoil we are dealing with on a daily basis.
If something happens to my sister I don't want my memories of her to be the hurt and pain of petty arguments. We have a good time together. We laugh about silly stuff. We watch crazy TV shows together. The reality shows are our current favorites (ironically the impetus of our argument tonight). She is my on-call handy man and as a teenager I was her partner in crime for moving and finding thrown away treasures on street curbs for her to refurbish. During a recent heartbreak, she came over to my house and just let me cry. Without any judgement. She, along with my other two sisters, my mama, and my granny, are my rocks! They are the reason I am the survivor that I am today. I love her with all of my heart. So why do we fight over stupid stuff. I guess that is what sisters do. We love. We fight. And then, we LOVE again! I wouldn't have it any other way.
Love you, sis!
P.S. I'm going to try and apologize, but we are not good at that either. I am sure her response will be, "Whatever." Code for, "I love you!"
Saturday, March 16, 2013
I'm Back!
It seems as if every March I get the urge to write and then I disappear. Well, I am back again! I don't know what it is about this time of year that keeps me returning but I am determined to be more focused and consistent.
I pray that all has been going well for you in my absence! While on my extended break I wanted to take time to decide who I wanted to be as a writer and what I wanted to say. At the end of the day, I have decided to be who I was called to be and that is God's servant. I wanted to change the name of the blog because I felt like God and Guys limited me. I will still talk about them because I still love them both, but I want to share more experiences than just my dating life. Plus, I would have more material with a different title! LOL! After much thought and prayer, the Holy Spirit helped me to understand that if I wanted to share me then I just needed to be me and do me. All I want to do is encourage and inspire. So, I decided to call the blog mstcass with the subtitle: Encouraging the World One Word at a Time! I love it and I hope you do too!
Finally, I found another blog that I started in 2006 called Love Addict. I will eventually post the link on this page. It does not represent who I am now, but both blogs combined show how I have matured in my walk with God. So please don't be discouraged or think that I am being hypocritical. I won't apologize for who I am or have been. I will just thank God that He has delivered me from certain things and pray that my experience is a testimony to others of His deliverance and that there is nothing new under the son. God can use anyone!
Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy and be encouraged. I promise not to stay gone too long!
I pray that all has been going well for you in my absence! While on my extended break I wanted to take time to decide who I wanted to be as a writer and what I wanted to say. At the end of the day, I have decided to be who I was called to be and that is God's servant. I wanted to change the name of the blog because I felt like God and Guys limited me. I will still talk about them because I still love them both, but I want to share more experiences than just my dating life. Plus, I would have more material with a different title! LOL! After much thought and prayer, the Holy Spirit helped me to understand that if I wanted to share me then I just needed to be me and do me. All I want to do is encourage and inspire. So, I decided to call the blog mstcass with the subtitle: Encouraging the World One Word at a Time! I love it and I hope you do too!
Finally, I found another blog that I started in 2006 called Love Addict. I will eventually post the link on this page. It does not represent who I am now, but both blogs combined show how I have matured in my walk with God. So please don't be discouraged or think that I am being hypocritical. I won't apologize for who I am or have been. I will just thank God that He has delivered me from certain things and pray that my experience is a testimony to others of His deliverance and that there is nothing new under the son. God can use anyone!
Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy and be encouraged. I promise not to stay gone too long!
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