My friend...hmmm...what should I call her...Marie. My good friend Marie asked me one night why did I want to be married. I can't remember everything I said, but the answer included an opportunity to serve. I honestly meant it. As I enter a new season in my life the God I serve has been steadfastly working on me in the area of submission. That's cool, I guess. I know that I have trouble with it. I am known to have that atrocious disease. You know the one, the "strong, independent black woman" disease. I can do it all by myself. And even as I learn that submission is part of Christian duty, I will only submit under my own terms. Crazy, right?!
As my relationship with the Lord grows deeper, I am praying for the things that I know are weaknesses or areas of improvement. One is the area of submission. The more I pray the more I want to do it. "I can submit, damn it! I can serve and support my husband!" My pride won't allow me to believe that I can't. At least that is how I felt until my pastor's sermon last week. (Sidebar-this blog will not serve as a repeat sermons but this part just kind slapped me right in the face!). In his sermon, he explained that the word servant literally means slave.
I was like, "Whoa!! Wait a minute, I'm not trying to be any one's slave!" I thought about my conversation with Marie. I had to ask myself, "Was I telling Marie the truth? Did I really want to serve a man? Be a slave to my husband?" Pictures of Barbara Billingsly in Leave It To Beaver started dancing through my mind. "Oh Hell No!" Before I could let the panic fester, I developed a different perspective. God in his eternal wisdom sent the Holy Spirit to tap me on my soldier and say, "Do you want to serve me? Are you willing to be my slave?" Well that was easy, "Of course, Lord!" Immediate answer. The response, "Then you won't mind serving your husband."
I felt so bad. I mean I was ASHAMED. You see submission and serving have absolutely nothing to do with the people you help but everything to do with God. I serve God first! Providing service and support to others is a part of that. If I submit to Christ then I will submit to my husband. Bottom line. It doesn't mean I'm going to like it all the time. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy. But, I will do it. And, and I use that and emphatically, I will have to get rid of this idea that serving my husband is bringing him his plate, or cleaning up his messes, or breaking him off all the time (and y'all know what I mean...hey, I'm trying to keep it Christian). Those things are included but it's more than that. Serving my husband means trusting him, loving him the way he needs to be loved, being patient, listening, allowing him to lead, praying for him, being a source of comfort and not contention, being his best friend as Marie and I discussed today, being available, and at times...holding him accountable.
After considering all that, do I still want to serve?...Yes, and I use that yes emphatically! I'm going to take my time though. With all that it takes to be a good servant or a good wife, I know in my heart that I am not ready. I still have problems letting the men in my life know that I need them. I told y'all I suffer from that the strong, independent black woman" thing. It's hard to let go of that. It's safe. Yet as I give my life over to Christ, things can only get better. I'll get there. Pray for me...Servant equals slave! OMG! Love ya.:)
P.S. Next week's topic: Pop-up Pete!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
One Night With the King
This is one of my favorite movies! The story of Queen Esther and how she saved her people! I love it. I watch it over and over. Yes, people I am a hopeless romantic. I can't help it. I love to see people falling in love which is why I can't figure out why I haven't done so...well, that isn't exactly true.
I have fallen in love and mostly with the wrong people, or with the right people at the wrong time. Honestly, I get so discouraged with my love life sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "Screw it! This is so not worth it!" I ask myself, "When will I finally get my one night with my king?" Date after date. Friendship after friendship. It just seems that the right person never comes along. So, sometimes I convince myself to just live vicariously through the lives of other people. Celebrate their marriages and relationships.
But, as I started watching this movie I realized a few things. First, God doesn't want me to just have one night with my king. He wants me to have a lifetime. Don't get me wrong, Esther is my GIRL! She is one of my favorite characters in the bible. However, in that one night with King Ahasuerus (Xerxes) God gave Esther an opportunity to fulfill a heavenly purpose that she never would have imagined when she became queen. He doesn't want me involved in the brief romantic encounters that are so prevalent today. He wants me with a man who will love and honor me for the rest of my days.
In addition, as a single woman who wants to be married, I have to realize that my marriage will not be my own. It will belong to my Heavenly King to fulfill an eternal purpose and like Esther I cannot imagine what it will be. A destiny awaits me as I prepare for my husband! Therefore, I have to...I MUST stop being so...so...cavalier about the men I allow in my life. Let's just keep it real, men do to us what we allow them to do. Instead of One Night With the King, my movie would be called A Date with a Dud. My dad calls men who don't step up to the plate duds. I love it. I absolutely love it! I thought is was so funny until I realized I had gone out with a few. Men who just wanted to run through, as they love to call it. To just have fun. To just chill. To receive ALL of the benefits of a relationship without accepting ANY of the responsibilities. To have what they wanted with no commitment or intentions of honoring me as a woman. And why? Because I have allowed them to. It was a waste of my time. And, a waste of my preparation!
Finally, I realized another truth. Esther didn't have to date like I do. Dating today is like having a conversation with salesman. You can't really tell where the truth ends and the lies begin. I find myself wondering what is the point. Then it hit me. Esther was selected. Thus, my dilemma. Being selected requires you to wait. Waiting requires patience. And patience is NOT my virtue!! But, if I want to separate the wheat from the chaff, the deal from the dud...I have to be...Patient. I have to be selected. The selection process gives me the opportunity to see who's just talking about the purchase, who's buying on credit, who wants to put it on layaway, and who wants to take it home!
In my impatience I ask myself, why haven't I been selected? I am forty years old and it is time to get married-point, blank, period! (In the words of Tamar...from the Braxton's, not the bible). What's wrong with these men? Can't they see what a catch I am? (I'm not good with humility either. Let's face it, I think I'm the bomb...). It's not about them. This process is about me being obedient to God and His voice. There are some things He is doing in me and through me that must happen before my King finds me. In other words, God is refining the merchandise! Polishing it up before the sale can take place. (I'm cool with that.)
I guess what I'm saying is that I have been viewing this whole process of dating, relationships, and marriage wrong. I want my king! And when the time is right, ladies, He will want me as much as I want him! And I am anxious for the chance to say, "God use me! Use my relationship! Use the love I have in my heart to help build your kingdom!" You see I finally get it: I. AM. A. QUEEN. And I am PREPARING for my KING. Nothing more and definitely nothing less! Love ya!
I have fallen in love and mostly with the wrong people, or with the right people at the wrong time. Honestly, I get so discouraged with my love life sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "Screw it! This is so not worth it!" I ask myself, "When will I finally get my one night with my king?" Date after date. Friendship after friendship. It just seems that the right person never comes along. So, sometimes I convince myself to just live vicariously through the lives of other people. Celebrate their marriages and relationships.
But, as I started watching this movie I realized a few things. First, God doesn't want me to just have one night with my king. He wants me to have a lifetime. Don't get me wrong, Esther is my GIRL! She is one of my favorite characters in the bible. However, in that one night with King Ahasuerus (Xerxes) God gave Esther an opportunity to fulfill a heavenly purpose that she never would have imagined when she became queen. He doesn't want me involved in the brief romantic encounters that are so prevalent today. He wants me with a man who will love and honor me for the rest of my days.
In addition, as a single woman who wants to be married, I have to realize that my marriage will not be my own. It will belong to my Heavenly King to fulfill an eternal purpose and like Esther I cannot imagine what it will be. A destiny awaits me as I prepare for my husband! Therefore, I have to...I MUST stop being so...so...cavalier about the men I allow in my life. Let's just keep it real, men do to us what we allow them to do. Instead of One Night With the King, my movie would be called A Date with a Dud. My dad calls men who don't step up to the plate duds. I love it. I absolutely love it! I thought is was so funny until I realized I had gone out with a few. Men who just wanted to run through, as they love to call it. To just have fun. To just chill. To receive ALL of the benefits of a relationship without accepting ANY of the responsibilities. To have what they wanted with no commitment or intentions of honoring me as a woman. And why? Because I have allowed them to. It was a waste of my time. And, a waste of my preparation!
Finally, I realized another truth. Esther didn't have to date like I do. Dating today is like having a conversation with salesman. You can't really tell where the truth ends and the lies begin. I find myself wondering what is the point. Then it hit me. Esther was selected. Thus, my dilemma. Being selected requires you to wait. Waiting requires patience. And patience is NOT my virtue!! But, if I want to separate the wheat from the chaff, the deal from the dud...I have to be...Patient. I have to be selected. The selection process gives me the opportunity to see who's just talking about the purchase, who's buying on credit, who wants to put it on layaway, and who wants to take it home!
In my impatience I ask myself, why haven't I been selected? I am forty years old and it is time to get married-point, blank, period! (In the words of Tamar...from the Braxton's, not the bible). What's wrong with these men? Can't they see what a catch I am? (I'm not good with humility either. Let's face it, I think I'm the bomb...). It's not about them. This process is about me being obedient to God and His voice. There are some things He is doing in me and through me that must happen before my King finds me. In other words, God is refining the merchandise! Polishing it up before the sale can take place. (I'm cool with that.)
I guess what I'm saying is that I have been viewing this whole process of dating, relationships, and marriage wrong. I want my king! And when the time is right, ladies, He will want me as much as I want him! And I am anxious for the chance to say, "God use me! Use my relationship! Use the love I have in my heart to help build your kingdom!" You see I finally get it: I. AM. A. QUEEN. And I am PREPARING for my KING. Nothing more and definitely nothing less! Love ya!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I don't want to miss my moment!
In the sermon today, my pastor talked about making sure that we don't miss our moment. He explained that as Christians, God is looking for an opportunity to use us for His purpose. Sometimes we tell God we are not ready thinking He will keep asking us until we get ready. But, we have to be ready when God calls. It is quite possible for God to decide to use someone else! So, we miss our moment to serve Him.
For about 10 years I have been praying about my purpose in life. I wanted God to use me, but I didn't know how He could or would use me. What I realize now is that God isn't going to use me in just one area. He wants total control of my life! Even my love life. Imagine that! So, dear friends, I have relinquished control. I am going to let him have it ALL!
One of my newest and dearest friends, has asked a group of us to join together as we pray for husbands. Of course, I was all for it! The end result I hope is a wonderful marriage, but I am also excited about seeing what God can do when women come together on one accord and pray! So, I decided to extend my prayer experience with the group and share my journey in dating as a Christian woman with the world. All of my triumphs, failures, smiles, and tears! I informed Diana (as she has asked to be called) of my plans and she was all for it!
I pray that my blog is a place of victory and not victimization. I want to show the world what God can do if you just believe! Pray with me family. I know that God can and will use me and I don't want to miss my moment!!!
Love ya!
For about 10 years I have been praying about my purpose in life. I wanted God to use me, but I didn't know how He could or would use me. What I realize now is that God isn't going to use me in just one area. He wants total control of my life! Even my love life. Imagine that! So, dear friends, I have relinquished control. I am going to let him have it ALL!
One of my newest and dearest friends, has asked a group of us to join together as we pray for husbands. Of course, I was all for it! The end result I hope is a wonderful marriage, but I am also excited about seeing what God can do when women come together on one accord and pray! So, I decided to extend my prayer experience with the group and share my journey in dating as a Christian woman with the world. All of my triumphs, failures, smiles, and tears! I informed Diana (as she has asked to be called) of my plans and she was all for it!
I pray that my blog is a place of victory and not victimization. I want to show the world what God can do if you just believe! Pray with me family. I know that God can and will use me and I don't want to miss my moment!!!
Love ya!
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