My friend...hmmm...what should I call her...Marie. My good friend Marie asked me one night why did I want to be married. I can't remember everything I said, but the answer included an opportunity to serve. I honestly meant it. As I enter a new season in my life the God I serve has been steadfastly working on me in the area of submission. That's cool, I guess. I know that I have trouble with it. I am known to have that atrocious disease. You know the one, the "strong, independent black woman" disease. I can do it all by myself. And even as I learn that submission is part of Christian duty, I will only submit under my own terms. Crazy, right?!
As my relationship with the Lord grows deeper, I am praying for the things that I know are weaknesses or areas of improvement. One is the area of submission. The more I pray the more I want to do it. "I can submit, damn it! I can serve and support my husband!" My pride won't allow me to believe that I can't. At least that is how I felt until my pastor's sermon last week. (Sidebar-this blog will not serve as a repeat sermons but this part just kind slapped me right in the face!). In his sermon, he explained that the word servant literally means slave.
I was like, "Whoa!! Wait a minute, I'm not trying to be any one's slave!" I thought about my conversation with Marie. I had to ask myself, "Was I telling Marie the truth? Did I really want to serve a man? Be a slave to my husband?" Pictures of Barbara Billingsly in Leave It To Beaver started dancing through my mind. "Oh Hell No!" Before I could let the panic fester, I developed a different perspective. God in his eternal wisdom sent the Holy Spirit to tap me on my soldier and say, "Do you want to serve me? Are you willing to be my slave?" Well that was easy, "Of course, Lord!" Immediate answer. The response, "Then you won't mind serving your husband."
I felt so bad. I mean I was ASHAMED. You see submission and serving have absolutely nothing to do with the people you help but everything to do with God. I serve God first! Providing service and support to others is a part of that. If I submit to Christ then I will submit to my husband. Bottom line. It doesn't mean I'm going to like it all the time. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy. But, I will do it. And, and I use that and emphatically, I will have to get rid of this idea that serving my husband is bringing him his plate, or cleaning up his messes, or breaking him off all the time (and y'all know what I mean...hey, I'm trying to keep it Christian). Those things are included but it's more than that. Serving my husband means trusting him, loving him the way he needs to be loved, being patient, listening, allowing him to lead, praying for him, being a source of comfort and not contention, being his best friend as Marie and I discussed today, being available, and at times...holding him accountable.
After considering all that, do I still want to serve?...Yes, and I use that yes emphatically! I'm going to take my time though. With all that it takes to be a good servant or a good wife, I know in my heart that I am not ready. I still have problems letting the men in my life know that I need them. I told y'all I suffer from that the strong, independent black woman" thing. It's hard to let go of that. It's safe. Yet as I give my life over to Christ, things can only get better. I'll get there. Pray for me...Servant equals slave! OMG! Love ya.:)
P.S. Next week's topic: Pop-up Pete!
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